Original

I can’t tell you about my origins
Only that I was conceived
Not consciously of course
Far less unique than original

Forty-eight years ago today
For my next mother’s birthday
A smiling black doll with no demands
The most original gift in town

There was a point; still at the hospital
When I gave up on crying out
For a mother, for food, for comfort
Ever so quietly, I took up waiting

For the longest time I believed
That my time in space would come
That patience could guard and sanctify
The original state of my being

I have never understood why
My birth was such a catastrophe
Centred in the secret/hidden place where
Light lives; I feel like a miracle

Ideals lapsed, hard truth took flight
So that I may live this one life
Intent on her original purpose
Nature offers no apology

She offers a prayer instead
Before sin there was joy
Before devastation there was love
You are one of my originals. Be you.

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15 thoughts on “Original

  1. trentpmcd says:

    If I read “Forty-eight years ago today” correctly, happy birthday! And you are an original – continue being you πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • jamborobyn says:

      Thank you for the kind wishes, Trent. No my birthday was last week. I didn’t get adopted for about 9 or 10 days. I was just hanging out in the hospital waiting…

      Liked by 1 person

      • trentpmcd says:

        That was my next guess and with what you said the whole poem falls into place. So I’ll change it to a late happy birthday and a happy adoption (birth to your new family?) day.

        Liked by 1 person

      • jamborobyn says:

        You know, Trent, that’s really useful feedback. I haven’t made it very clear. It’s my adoptive mother’s birthday and it coincides with when they first took me home from the hospital. I haven’t thought about my adoptive family in a long time and the strongest thing I remember about my mum was that she used to be so angry that I didn’t cry because sometimes she would forget to feed me or change me. She said I would just lie there waiting, it made her feel guilty. I still notice this behaviour in myself after all this time. If I need something I rarely ask for it. It’s odd, but it’s distinctly Robyn-ish.

        Liked by 1 person

      • trentpmcd says:

        You did say “For my next mother’s birthday” so the two events on one day – your adoptive mother’s birthday and the day you entered her family. Interesting that traits you had as a very small infant are still there to some degree. Although there is a lot to be said about the “nurture” side, the environment a child is raised, I guess this says there is still quite a bit of “nature” in your disposition.

        Liked by 1 person

      • jamborobyn says:

        It does seem that way… Nice insight, Trent. Thank you very much.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Rivera says:

    Your post does invite much discussion..
    Firstly.. Happy Birthday (to adoptive mother)
    Also.. Happy Anniversary (adoptive date)
    (speaking of myself) Having a difficult time in asking (for anything) is (so I’ve been told) is more of a sub-conscious ‘fear’ of rejection , rather than just shyness. Both traits are part of one’s (born with) personality.
    I have a most difficult time (actually have to force myself) to ‘ask’ for even the most slightest of anything. (we have much in common).
    But.. bottom line.. I am SO HAPPY you ARE you.. and you are here..!! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • jamborobyn says:

      How interesting… even though I have written this poem, I wasn’t entirely sure what my point was. I simply write the feeling as best I can. Sometimes it takes years for me to understand. Thank goodness I have such wise and thoughtful people to converse with. Avoiding asking has led me to acquire all sorts of other skills, so even if it’s considered some kind of flaw, it works for me in a backwards, upside-down kind of way. I’m chuffed that we have so much in common, Carl, and I’m very happy that you are you too. Joy!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. mihrank says:

    wow – such a wonderful words, image, presentation – let your day shine and smile for you:)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is extraordinary stuff, Robyn. Especially love this:

    Nature offers no apology

    She offers a prayer instead
    Before sin there was joy
    Before devastation there was love
    You are one of my originals. Be you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Nomzi Kumalo says:

    Marvelous. So much energy and will. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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