If all the world were our concern then
all the world would be very concerning.
Tick. It is.
Let’s suppose that you have choices
and that errors only occur within the
framework of time. I’ll pass on that one.
Look what you’ve got there! I’ll start
changing my image so I can have something
like that too. Isn’t this my right?
See what you haven’t got? I am now
wondering how I can fill that gap for you too.
Is this a mistake?
There are so many things about my
life today that I am not enjoying.
There is nothing so effective as self-
flagellation or a dose of righteous
indignation to prolong a bout of pain.
If I could
I would simply
love in the possessive less,
This is when I catch wind of the hunt
for things I fear. Finding them floors
me, has me flailing about, struggling
Aimless and masochistic as it sounds,
I have innumerable motivations and
conflicting concepts of self to contend
Lead this horse to water yet
thirst won’t make me drink.
Why can’t I expel the notion that ever
since I arrived I’ve been trying to
return? I can’t say where or to what.
It’s oh so easy to secretly posit
“I don’t know” while never accepting,
for a breath or a heartbeat,
that I don’t know a single thing.
In fact, it’s so unpalatable that the
ensuing technicolour surge of emotion
seems a predictably welcome, almost
comforting act of counter-resistance
replete with expletive-based relief.
Even if not-being is impossible,
it’s easy to feel like I am not being,
that I have wasted so much time
in the knot of being that
life might never be untangled.
I am concerned that I might be a fake,
or that I will discover my fundamental
fake-ness and might never give up fake
ideas about being…
I’ve collected a mountain of
burdens to perturb that spontaneous
spring of joy gurgling beneath
the surface of my attention, only to
burst free when I am not looking,
to blast fissures and blowholes through
the very bedrock of familiar beliefs.
Who needs that kind of inconvenience?
What hope have I but to be sad and
angry and rude and sure,
beyond my wildest imaginings,
beyond any and all reason?
I am desperately holding to the belief
that this is a fair price for it all,
so please don’t walk on the grass.
The beauty of the rule of broken logic
is that it is applicable to everything.*
*social commentary not excluded