Frill-necked lizard, Image: Jannico Kelk

don’t know how many times I have to keep repeating this:
stop fixing yourself

frilly and me hiding behind trees
so beautiful when he’s scared
I could learn a thing or two

always day and night
spinning on the spot
orbiting one centre

as if it was a fixed point in the universe
as though there was only one face that anyone could abide
as if there is only one way to be

made up of a trillion carefully selected special pearlescent moments
fashioned into the most intricately woven, stunningly-presented choker

I’ve been shown in countless ways
I don’t belong anywhere I have already been
these rituals for the old gods don’t belong either

it’s too much work: adornment
I am glad I got the wild hair that reaches it’s peak in movement
frilly would starve to death trying to be like me
his body knows things mine cannot
from another time


A special memory I would like to share with you…

He was truly delightful and made me giggle a lot, but mostly I was awestruck by his performance, watching from the wings. His old mate Rudolf was there too and I met him, but I did not understand the significance of that until this whole event was a distant memory.

I sometimes tell people I grew up on the stage, but they can’t picture what I mean until I share with them the odd memory such as this. It is possible to be both very open with people and deeply secretive. I am.

marcel-bipObviously he inspired my blog photo. More importantly this memory represents something about me that I have never let anyone mess with. It is elusive, it is not “on-call” nor greatly on display, but it points to my very essence, to what has proved consistent throughout the years. It lives at the wellspring of my joy.

As a small child, I discovered one of the best ways to guard something intangible is to never let it descend into the realm of language, whether it be spoken, written or thoughts/mental dialogue. I can mention this now because, like a tree that has already grown, I have already taken form.

Everything about me that deviates from this natural course is merely a performance in some way related to survival. Do not judge your inconsistencies. After a couple of years of investigating “the shadow” and allowing it to come into the light, as it were, I can honestly say that it was/is chock full of really good stuff. After the initial shock and displeasure, I find it is the place where so many wonderful, unique and heartfelt aspects of me are born, live and die, only to be reborn again.

If, even for one minute, you’ve ever thought you have spare parts to who you are, things that could be improved about your basic nature, I beg to differ. You only have things that could be discovered and embraced about your basic nature. Everything else is just a performance.

Obviously I am not composing a Dummies Guide to Being A Conformist in this life.


Bizarre notions in polarity

It’s bright, so glaringly bright! Winter’s slipped
as day tumbles forth from night. Creatures dipped
in bronze melt all through my sight. Myna skipped
the fresh-cut grass, catching flight, as clouds wisped
past swathes of blue-tinted light. Ice-wind crisped
breaths healed by Ra’s molten might! Three ants nipped
across the page I’d soon write, darted, tripped
and fell to earth: a great height. Moods have flipped
from tight-clenched fists to delight. Beings tipped
from low to high, wrong to right. Minds equipped
with nature’s gift for insight.  Honey-dripped
days, praise! Loop this bliss-tinged plight with no script.

It begins and ends with awe

The earth people keep calling me
The sky responds with my voice
Water passes everything along

The sun people are blinding me
The stars look through my eyes
Fire is making everything dance

The wind is refashioning reality
Seeds, cells and leaves go on a world tour
Weather is transforming everything

Too many ways to enumerate –
Existences, vistas, vibrations, echoes
Cracking and snapping weary worldviews

Impossible to remain connected to one idea
When every particle of life is radiating
Infinite waves of mystery in it’s wake

It begins and ends with awe.

Suddenly I’m doubled over with laughter
Clearly nothing of any value
Can ever be taken to the bank.

Nature = diversity

When I think about
The unstable equilibrium
As defined by all.
The ubiquitous references to nature,
Be they physical or spiritual…

The collision, consequence, manifestation;
The actuality of real and present
Order meeting chaos,
Or chaos dancing with order –
However you want to see it.

This I believe in.
It defines my reality.
All adjectives aside bar this one –
In nature, diversity prevails.


I can’t tell you about my origins
Only that I was conceived
Not consciously of course
Far less unique than original

Forty-eight years ago today
For my next mother’s birthday
A smiling black doll with no demands
The most original gift in town

There was a point; still at the hospital
When I gave up on crying out
For a mother, for food, for comfort
Ever so quietly, I took up waiting

For the longest time I believed
That my time in space would come
That patience could guard and sanctify
The original state of my being

I have never understood why
My birth was such a catastrophe
Centred in the secret/hidden place where
Light lives; I feel like a miracle

Ideals lapsed, hard truth took flight
So that I may live this one life
Intent on her original purpose
Nature offers no apology

She offers a prayer instead
Before sin there was joy
Before devastation there was love
You are one of my originals. Be you.

Smashing beliefs


Crack! glass is shattering all over the place;
the mask splits and I’m dancing around
in my underwear.

Pop! vesicles of finger lime explode on my tongue;
a festival of juicy outbursts and a diversion
for our attention.

Shock! thunder roils those calm seas of of the righteous;
from under the bones, the low rumblings of nature hold a
sense of foreboding.

Click! knowing and awe have become artists-in-residence;
a flowing arrangement of clear vision and virtuous men returning
to simple truths.